Did Ancient Aliens make Pizza?
If you follow any of the Ancient Alien theorists, you know they can take anything and speculate it was made by ancient aliens. Just visit any of the pyramids in the world, or, look at ancient art and books. You begin to see patterns and imagery that evokes technology of a higher level of civilization. But, our friend Weird Al takes it one step further. He theorized that Ancient aliens are all around us. They are in modern music, like “Don’t fear the Reaper”. If you keep looking, you’ll see Alien technology in something as mundane as a pizza. It’s round like a UFO. And, if you throw it, it flies like one too. So, Did Ancient Aliens make Pizza? Well, today is National Pizza day. What better time to find out?
What we know of pizza is the Italian story. But, if you look around Italy, it’s obvious that Ancient aliens created that whole thing. The country itself is shaped like a boot. Who, besides ancient aliens would need a boot that big? And, there’s that leaning tower of pizza. It’s round too. And, how does it lean like that without falling over. Don’t you think that could be some sort of lever to operate a giant alien ship? And, don’t get me started on the Vatican. How many secret things do they have there? Plus, Christians flock there to worship the first publicized alien abductee. Think about it, Jesus died, rose from the dead, and then his followers watched him “ascend” into the heavens like something from star Trek levitated by a tractor beam. So, don’t tell me Aliens didn’t invent pizza.
Table of Contents
You can bet that George Tsoukalos asked: Did Ancient Aliens make Pizza?
The story of pizza dates back to the 1700’s when dock workers in Napoli needed a quick, easy, and inexpensive lunch. by the turn of the 20th century, they brought pizza to America. And, by the time the 2 world wars finished, it was a staple across the country. For more on this, see last year’s pizza day post here. But, Pizza is basically a flat bread with stuff on top. Flatbreads date back to Ancient Egyptians. And, we know what Egyptians are famous for (aside from long wars with Israelis): Pyramids. Logically, those are portals to extraterrestrial forces. So, doesn’t it make sense that they would need a quick, easy form of sustenance while building them? And Aliens love round things like flying saucers. So, you know…
Perhaps this sounds like wacky conspiracy stuff. And, it really is. But, theories like this have kept People like George and his cohorts in business for decades. And, if you like coincidences, Pizza became a household thing in America after WWII when soldiers who had been in Napoli brought the taste for pizza back home with them. This was the mid 1940s. And, the famous Roswell Alien crash occurred in 1947. So, could someone have used pizza as a way to signal the aliens? Maybe they were coming here to pick up a pie? We may never know. But, one thing is for sure. Pizza is a hit wherever it shows up. Plus, pepperoni pizza looks like the surface of the moon with craters all over it. Yet more fodder for our quasi theory.
When the aliens come
People always conjecture about what will happen when the aliens come. Will they be friendly and helpful? Or, will it be more like Independence day or Mars Attacks? Perhaps it will be more like the Twilight Zone episode “To serve man”. All we know is one day we’ll all end up on the Menu. Even though, they brought us peace and prosperity, there was an ulterior motive. We need to study ancient alien theory to know what to expect, and be prepared.
So, to protect ourselves, we better get acquainted with the pizza. As we have established here, pizzas may or may not have roots in Ancient alien technology. So, it’s something they may understand. Before we resort to playing Slim Whitman, perhaps a nice slice of ‘Za will assuage the alien invaders when they come to destroy our planet. After all, something as simple, yet elegant as a pizza codifies our claim to being an advanced civilization. It combines all the elements of the world: Earth (the grain), water, fire (that it is cooked in), and the air needed to sustain that fire. Plus, the toppings are out of this world (just like the aliens). So, what have we got to lose? Fire up that oven!
What about Sicilian and Detroit?
Some of you may not be sold on the alien technology because Detroit style and Sicilian Pizzas are rectangular. But, those are merely adaptations of pizza technology. Plus, we could think of them like the black box on a craft. Heck, they are based on geometry. And, let’s not forget, not all spacecraft are flying saucers. There are cigar shaped craft, triangles, and don’t discount the Tardis from Dr Who, another rectangle. So, Mr (or mrs, miss, ms) smarty pants, the theory holds.
Then of course there are the modern molecular gastronomy attempts to change pizza. While some versions don’t even look or feel like pizza, they actually further the concept of pizza being for aliens. When you see a sphere on a plate with something like phyllo dough that a chef calls pizza, you may be a little closer to alien technology. So, no matter what form it takes, pizza is still pizza, and humans and aliens alike love it.
Did Ancient Aliens make Pizza? Does it really matter?
Whether anything we talked about today has an inkling in reality or not, it further goes to prove the equation: Pizza = fun. That’s right. Whether you believe in Aliens, a deity, or the great spaghetti monster in the sky, we can all agree that pizza is a treat. It’s comforting, fold-able, and just plain fun to be around. Why do you think there are so many pizza parties? You don’t hear people saying I’m having a goulash party, do you? So, even if the aliens don’t care for our pizza, we can still enjoy our final moments before they blow up the planet, as long as pizza is involved.
So, if you don’t have time to make your own, support your local pizza shop. But, if you have the 30 to 45 minutes it takes for delivery, you can make your own. And, we have a recipe for you, right here. To save even more time, make a large batch of dough, Cut it into balls, and freeze them. Pull one out before you go to bed. Then when you get home from work the next day, simply assemble your pizza and pop it in an oven at the highest temperature. Having a pizza stone helps. But, you can also make them on a sheet pan. So, let’s party like we’re in outer space: Pizza style!
make your own
Today’s recipe is for a white pizza with wild mushroom. Of course, you can make whatever kind of pizza tickles your fancy. If you have marinara sauce in your fridge or freezer, use that. You could even skip the sauce all together and use a variety of vegetables. How about a classic Margarita pizza: Sliced Fresh Tomatoes, Fresh Mozzarella, and Fresh basil? Of course, this isn’t the best season for those ingredients (hence the wild mushroom version here). Remember, it’s pizza. And, pizza = fun!.
Truffled Mushroom White Pizza
Equipment
- Pizza Stone Optional
- Pizza Peel Optional
Ingredients
- For Crust
- 4 Cups Flour, Typo 00 and/or bread flour
- 1 Tbsp Dry active Yeast
- 1 Tbsp Sugar
- 1 tsp Kosher or sea Salt
- 1 1/2 Cup Warm water
- 2 to 3 Tbsp Olive oil
- For Sauce:
- 1 Tbsp Chopped Fresh garlic
- 1 Tbsp Chopped Fresh Shallot
- 3 Cups Heavy Cream, preferable 40% fat content
- 1 Cup Grated Parmesan Cheese
- olive oil for cooking
- Salt and Pepper to taste
- Toppings:
- 1/2 Cup Julienne Sweet Onions
- 2 Cup Sliced Fresh Wild Mushrooms (assorted)
- 1 tsp Truffle Oil
- 2 to 4 Cup Shredded Cheese You can do a blend, but have mozzarella as a minimum
- 1 tsp Chopped Fresh Thyme
- 1 tsp Chopped Fresh Oregano (may substitute dry)
- 6 to 8 large fresh basil leaves
- Corn meal to prevent sticking
Instructions
- Make the Pizza dough: Stir the yeast and sugar into the warm water in a mixing bowl. Allow to bloom for at least 10 minutes. It will froth up. Then add the remaining ingredients. Mix with a dough hook until it forms a ball and pulls away from the sides of the bowl. Continue kneading at low to medium speed for about another minute. Lightly oil the dough and put back in the bowl. Allow to rise for another 10 to 15 minutes.
- Preheat oven to highest setting. This is about 550 for most ovens. Put pizza stone in the oven to preheat if you have one. Or you can preheat a sheet pan if you don't.
- Make your sauce: Saute shallot and garlic in olive oil until translucent. Add the cream. Bring to a boil and then taper back to a simmer. Stir frequently, and, cook down until it is 1/2 the volume and the cream is thickened. Whisk in the Cheese. Season with salt and pepper. Set aside.
- Heat some more olive oil in a saute pan. Saute onions until softened. Add in the mushrooms and cook, stirring as needed until cooked through. Season with salt and pepper. Then stir in the thyme and oregano.
- Assemble the pizza: Cut the dough into smaller balls (2 or 4). Coat lightly with flour to make easier to pull. Stretch the dough out evenly by hand until it is no more than 1/4 inch thick. Lightly dust a pizza peel with corn meal to prevent sticking. Lay down the dough. Spread a small amount of sauce over the middle of the dough. Top with cheese, onions, and mushrooms. Drizzle with truffle oil. Then transfer to the pizza stone or sheet pan. But, sprinkle more corn meal onto the stone or pan (again to prevent sticking). Bake for about 10 minutes. Turn if necessary. You want a browned crust and all the cheese melted. The cheese should also brown a bit, but not to the point of burning. Remove pizza from the oven and top with basil leaves and a little more truffle oil. Cut evenly into pieces, and serve hot.