Happy Fat Presidents’ day
This year, they are only a day apart. Monday is Presidents’ day and Tuesday is Mardi Gras. Of course, Mardi Gras means fat Tuesday. It’s the day before Ash Wednesday. So, “good Christians” try to get all their debauchery and sinful eating in before lent. And, who is more representative of flawed fat Christians than some of our Presidents. So, Happy Fat Presidents’ day! William Howard Taft, Grover Cleveland, the guy before Biden, Teddy Roosevelt, Zachary Taylor, and Bill Clinton top the list in that order. Taft was over 300 pounds (followed by Grover Cleveland). The former guy ties Teddy Roosevelt at 237, I don’t think that’s what he meant by “make America Great again.” Then again… But, we see from the top fatties list that Rotundity cuts across partisan lines. There are 3 Republicans, 2 democrats, and a Whig.
Table of Contents
No fat shaming
While we can make fun of their morbidity, it wasn’t so funny for Taylor, who died of Cholera (bacteria in his stomach) just 16 months into his presidency in July of 1850. Maybe if he had followed through on his Lenten promise to eat better? Which brings us back to Mardi Gras. While some view it as a pagan celebration of questionable morality, it’s intended as a Christian celebration since it announces the coming of lent. Yes, there are pagan roots. But, that holds true to most Christian celebrations and lore. The masks are a perfect symbol for the celebration since the so called Christians celebrating don’t want their true selves exposed. And, isn’t that the same with our presidents? While each of them can claim they did something for the American people, they all were in it for themselves and their own vanity, despite the fat shaming.
Happy Fat Presidents’ day to all the fat presidents
Maybe these guys should have listened to the advice of the lady’s man when he said something to the effect of: I recommend you try to avoid any type of food product you may encounter at your local grocery store. Although, some of them did try to lose some weight. Taft actually went on a low fat, low carb diet and lost 60 pounds. And, Clinton switched to a plant based diet 10 years after leaving office. He is, reportedly, back to the weight he was in high school. Of course, the problem isn’t trying to trim fat around the waist. They should be focused on trimming fat from government spending. maybe we need a kosher or halal president; we know they try to avoid pork (Insert drum rim shot here).
To that end, perhaps we should be less concerned with fat shaming these overweight heads of state, and focus more on the real shame they bring to the country through their actions and policies.
How bad were they?
Taft (1909-1913)
Was a dogged anti corruption president. But, he advanced business over environment at every turn. He also caused major rifts within the republican party itself, and, was openly racist, going as far as banning people of color from certain government positions.
Teddy Roosevelt (1901-1909)
Was an avid outdoorsman, credited with the expanding the national parks and forests. He also built the Panama canal, and actively pursued anti-trust issues. On the other hand, he spent way too much money on the panama canal, Was heavily involved in the banana republic wars, and installed puppet regimes in countries like Panama and Columbia.
Grover Cleveland (1885-1889 / 1893-1897)
Gave native Americans citizenship. He was also seen as an anti-corruption president. Although he won the popular vote for a second term, but lost the election due to New York Party bosses rigging the election for Benjamin Harrison. Four years later, he ended up running again to retake the Whitehouse for a second term. Unfortunately, he passed legislation restricting Chinese American rights, declared marshal law against railroad strikers, and fathered a child out of wedlock, took the kid from his mother and put him in an orphanage. Then, he had the woman put in an insane asylum. he also bungled the stock market crash of 1893.
Zachary Taylor (1849-1850)
Was a unifier. He encouraged California and New Mexico to formally Join the union to counter the slave states. He was anti slavery, and pro American Indian. But, he owned slaves and fought Indians in the war. Basically, he was a do what I say, not what I do kind of guy. Unfortunately for him, he didn’t last long enough to do anything of substance.
Clinton (1993-2001)
Oversaw one of the greatest economic periods. He took the government from a deficit to a surplus. He modernized the military, cracked down on crime, brought peace to Ireland with the Good Friday agreement, and did a lot to preserve the environment. Conversely, he was impeached for a sex scandal (nowhere near as bad as Grover Cleveland’s). And, he seemed to be above the law in many instances. Plus, the great economy he created burst at the end of his administration.
The Former Guy (2017-2021)
Under his administration the stock market rose 50%. Before the pandemic struck he had the lowest unemployment rate since the 1970’s. He fast tracked the vaccine that would help save millions from COVID 19. Unfortunately, he and his supporters did everything they could to undermine the response to the pandemic. In addition, civility in politics disappeared under his watch. He was impeached twice. And, he tried to overthrow the government. While the concept of anti corruption is a noble one. All he did was switch out swamp monsters. And, despite a good run with the economy, his final year in office saw a sharp decline in all facets of economic life. His enduring legacy will probably be the hard right swing of the Supreme court which will last for generations. Although, Mitch McConnell is more responsible for that.
Happy Fat Presidents’ day despite the shortcomings
Fat shaming has nothing to do with our critique here. In fact, fat Presidents represent the highs, lows, and middle of the spectrum. Teddy consistently ranks in the top 5 presidents of the United states. And, the former guy has quickly made his mark at the bottom of the list (Another best for him). The other guys all fall in the middle somewhere.
It has been said repeatedly: watch what they do, not what they say. And, it’s not tax cuts, or, being in office when the economy is good that propel people to greatness, it’s solid identifiable actions. Washington made our country what it is. Thomas Jefferson was the architect behind the constitution and the framework of our system of government. Lincoln freed the slaves and held the country together as a union. Teddy Roosevelt made us a global power. FDR got us through the depression and brought us into WWII as the leading nation against facism. That is why those top 5 are consistently at the top of the list of great presidents.
No fat shaming here
And, let’s not forget the skinnier guys who caused all sorts of problems. Nixon is still in the memory of many of us. He Cheated to win his elections and re-elections and oversaw some of the most tumultuous times since the civil war. He left office in disgrace. Franklin Pierce and his successor James Bucchanon were both heavy drinkers and did little to nothing to prevent the civil war from happening, even standing as pro slavery advocates. And, Pierce was the only president to be arrested for running over a woman with a horse.And, let’s not forget Andrew Jackson and Martin Van Buren, who were responsible for the mass eradication of native Americans that would become known as the Trail of tears.
So, it’s not about girth. Some guys are just A**holes. And, those are usually the ones who run for office. It takes a bigger ego than waistline to want that job.
So, what do fat presidents have to do with Mardi gras?
Excess is the hallmark of the egotistical mind that wants to rule the world. And, in recent years shame has virtually disappeared from public discourse. Maybe it’s time we went back to the modesty of the Mardi Gras. People indulge in debauchery at Mardi gras. But, it is based on a “Christian” ethic that they will be giving up some of the pleasures for lent. And, masks are often worn to keep evil spirits from finding the “sinner”. So, in essence, mardi Gras and the presidency are very similar. They hide in plain site what the rest of us know is vanity and shameful behavior.
So, when we celebrate Presidents’ day, we honor the men (sorry ladies) who have ruled this country. And, at Mardi Gras, we honor King Rex, another figurehead of a ruler with little power, who thinks he is greater than he is. The fact that these two celebrations are only a day apart this year is quite fitting. Because, it’s all a sham. Somehow, I remember a quote that anyone smart enough to do the job right is smarter enough not to want it.
But, let’s not forget that the fatter presidents would love Mardi Gras (especially Clinton). You can’t swing a string of beads without hitting some sort of decadent food. jambalaya, gumbo, Creole, Etouffee, Muffuletta, king cake, and more abound. And, there are plenty of women to run over with horses (sorry that was Pierce). They can be the over-indulgent pigs that they are, without fear of judgment. No fear of fat shaming here.
So, let’s eat like it’s Happy fat presidents’ day
In recent years, that meant KFC and McDonalds. But, since it’s Mardi Gras, let’s look at some good old NOLA cuisine.We can start a day early with the festivities. since it’s all about over-indulgence. We know that Clinton was a fan of Barbecue.Taft ate steak for breakfast everyday. Taylor ate too many cherries, Teddy was into wild game and steaks, Cleveland lamented that he wanted Pickled herring, Swiss Cheese, and beer instead of the gourmet fare served at the Whitehouse. And, Donald was drawn to cheeseburgers, meatloaf, and pizza. In essence, they all like comfort foods. And, although the flavors are different, Mardi Gras Cuisine is, at heart, comfort food.
So, we are bringing you some recipes with the taste of NOLA for this pair of Holidays. Be careful, though, you may be seeing some dead fat presidents if you over-indulge for 2 straight days. But, don’t worry, you’ve got all of lent to atone. So, here we have something fit for all the little piggies in government: Cajun Pork Chops. This recipe serves 4 people (or one fat President).
Cajun Pork Chops with Green Onion Goat Cheese Grits
Ingredients
- 2 to 3 Lb Boneless Pork Chops May Substitute Bone in and cook a little longer
- 1/4 cup AP flour
- 2 Tbsp Cajun Seasoning
- Salt and Pepper to taste
- 4 Strips Thick Cut Bacon
- 2 Tbsp Butter, unsalted
- 1/2 Cup Diced Sweet Onion
- 1/2 Cup Diced Celery
- 1/2 Cup Diced Sweet Bell Pepper
- 1 tsp Chopped Fresh Jalapeno or other hot chili
- 1 Tbsp Chopped Fresh Garlic
- 1 Cup Diced Fresh Tomato
- 1 to 2 Cup Beef, veal, or Chicken Broth
- For Grits:
- 1 Cup Dry Grits
- 4 Cups Cream
- 4 Tbsp Unsalted Butter
- 1/2 Cup Shredded Cheddar Cheese
- 1 Cup Crumbled Goat Cheese
- 1 Cup Chopped Fresh Scallions, green onion
- 1/2 Cup Diced Fresh Leeks
- Salt and Pepper to taste
- Oil for cooking
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 300 degrees
- Dice the bacon. Render over medium high heat until brown and the fat is loose. Add in the butter.
- Mix 1/2 the Cajun seasoning and some salt and pepper in the flour mix. Dredge the Pork Chops in the flour and place in the pan with the rendered fat and butter. Brown on one side. Then flip to the other. Cook for a few minutes. Then remove the pork From the pan. Add in the garlic and vegetables. Cook for about a minute or two until soft. Then add in the remaining flour and stir until you create a roux. Cook for about a minute, stirring as needed. Then add in the Broth and bring to a boil, stirring as needed. Add in the Tomatoes and Season. Cook for another minute. Then turn off heat until you are ready to serve. Place the pork chops in a 300 degree oven to finish cooking. You want them to have an internal temperature of 145 degrees.
- While Everything else is cooking, make the grits. Put a little oil in the bottom of a heavy pot. Saute the leaks until soft. Add in the butter and melt, stirring as needed. Add in the Cream and bring to a simmer. Stir in the Grits, make sure they don't clump. Cook at a low simmer until all the liquid is absorbed and the grits soften. Don't cook at a high temperature or the liquid will absorb, but the grits won't cook through. It should take about 20 minutes plus or minus. Fold in the Cheeses, Scallions, and season well.
- Put the pork chops back in the gravy and bring back up to temperature. Serve the Pork chops atop the grits and spoon or ladle the gravy on top. Serve with seasonal vegetables for a more colorful and balanced plate.