Was ascension day proof of an alien abduction?
40 days after Easter, according to scripture, Jesus ascended to Heaven. Within 10 days, the holy spirit returned to bring instructions to Jesus’s disciples on how to spread the word. Unfortunately for them, they didn’t have Facebook or Twitter. But, the whole situation begs the question: was ascension day proof of an alien abduction?
If you are a devout Christian, you are cursing me for blasphemy at this very moment. But, that is not the Christian thing to do. Is it? Ascension day is supposed to be about obeying the commandments and helping the poor. But, what if it was an alien abduction? Jesus went to the mount of olives and ascended into the sky. His 11 apostles, and possibly his mother and brothers all witnessed this. This was a biased crowd. If you go to an event believing in a certain thing, like divine intervention, you will ascribe the actions to “God”. But, what if “God” is not what you think?
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If Jesus was an Alien, what about his father?
Could God be an alien? While there is some proof that ancient scholars were aware of the workings of the universe, these disciples were fishermen. They wouldn’t have access to documentation of celestial phenomena. Remember, people thought the world was flat until Columbus “discovered” the new world 14 centuries later. They were very much motivated by the prime mover theory: that which we can not explain, we ascribe to god. So, somewhere between 11 and 20 people “witness” Jesus lifted up on a “cloud”, and, 20 years later someone writes this account down. These aren’t exactly reliable sources. Does this mean God was an alien? We can’t say for sure. Proof in either direction is inconclusive. But, it does make you think.
Was ascension day proof of an alien abduction?
“Men of Galilee, why do you stand here looking into the sky? This same Jesus, who has been taken from you into heaven, will come back in the same way you have seen him go into heaven.” (Acts 1-11).
This is what the “angels” supposedly said to the disciples at the mount when Jesus was spirited away. Doesn’t this really imply that Jesus will return from the sky? If so, we had best be super nice to the Aliens when they come down. You never know. If we learned nothing else from “Close Encounters“, aliens taking people and returning them at a later date is a common thing in the desert.
People talk a lot about the second coming. But, all the quotes come from these same, unreliable sources. There were no reporters with steno pads, or tape recorders, or video in those days. Everything passed through the grapevine. And, we know how unreliable that is. Sure, the central themes may be accurate. But, the minute details and quotes are not likely to be verbatim.
You make the call:
If one believes the scriptures, Jesus was the son of God and was flew with angels on a cloud. He will return triumphantly in some form, some day, as the savior of humanity. Ancient Alien theorists can look at the same description of events and conclude that Jesus was, in fact, an alien (or hybrid). He was escorted by other aliens in space craft unrecognizable to witnesses (AKA a UFO). Both theories require a stretch of the imagination. So, it’s up to you to decide which one you believe. Then again, the whole story could be fictitious. Again, how reliable are the sources. As they say in sports, “you make the call.“
Cause for celebration
Regardless of which camp you are in, the message of the ascension should ring true to all. Either, aliens possibly (and may still) walked among us; or, God sent his son to save humanity, and brought him back to heaven to return again someday. The moral of the story is to be kind to all beings since we don’t know if they are superior, equal or inferior to us. They could be deities or from an advanced civilization. Or they could be lesser beings in need of help. Jesus tried to help us and taught the most important lesson, help each other, and be kind.
Traditionally, Christians who observe the Ascension donate to those less fortunate on this day. Baked potatoes, Boiled eggs, and flat bread are traditionally given to the poor. These acts of kindness should not be limited to Christians. Kindness and charity are non denominational concepts. So, no matter if you praise Jesus, Allah, or the great Spaghetti monster in the sky, follow the tradition of the Jewish religion, by performing a mitzvah for someone less fortunate than you are.
Since we are only cumin and bread is what sustains us, we offer the following recipe for “ladder bread”. This is an adaptation of a recipe traditional to the day. People would bake bread in the shape of ladders to represent a ladder that could be used to try to ascend to heaven. Sort of like a stairway to heaven or Gilligan’s island. Since Jesus ascended from Mount Olive, this ladder bread is studded with olives. Why not mix metaphors with literal and figurative imagery?
Olive Ladder Bread
Ingredients
- 7 cups bread flour
- 3 cups warm water
- 1 Tbsp Dry yeast
- 1 tsp sugar
- 2 tsp salt kosher
- 2 Tbsp Olive oil
- 2 cups chopped olives without pits kalamata or a mix of olives
- 1 tsp cracked black peppercorns
- Extra oil for coating and baking the bread
Instructions
- Mix sugar, yeast and water in the bowl of a stand mixer with a dough hook attachment. Allow to bloom until it becomes a little foamy.
- Add 1/3 of the flour and beat for about a minute until it is smooth. Cover with plastic and let sit for about 30 minutes to an hour.
- When the starter is a bit spongy, add the rest of the ingredients, and mix well with the machine. Then pop out onto a floured surface and knead by hand until the dough (with the exception of the olives) is smooth.
- coat the dough with oil and return to a mixing bowl. Allow to rise for 2 to 3 hours. It should double in volume
- Preheat oven to 400 degrees
- Oil a couple sheet pans.
- Cut the dough into 4 portions. Knead each into a ball. Then flatten them to about 3/4 inch thick rectangles or ovals. Place them onto oiled sheet pans, cover with a damp cloth or plastic and let rise about 20 to 30 minutes.
- Before putting into the oven, slit the bread loaves multiple times to mimic a ladder. Cut through the dough, about an inch or 2 between each slit. Pull the slits to widen the gaps if desired. Brush the tops of the bread with oil. Then pop in the oven.
- After 10 to 12 minutes, check the bread. Turn the loaves and switch pans from lower racks if necessary so they all cook evenly. Put back in for another 10 to 12 minutes until they achieve a nice golden brown.