What do bunnies and eggs have to do with the resurrection? Here’s your Easter celebration:

Colored eggs and bunny rabbits? Really? And, why would a rabbit be delivering or hiding eggs? Last time I checked, they are vegetarian (Except the killer rabbit in the Holy Grail), and don’t lay eggs. And, where do marshmallow peeps come into the equation? Here’s your Easter celebration. The whole thing is just wacky. At least Santa is a reverse burglar. That makes infinitely more sense than the Easter bunny. Why not have an Easter Chinchilla bringing TPS report memos in a hemp tote bag? At least the hemp could provide a plausible explanation for the silliness.

Since, it is a silly place built on a silly foundation, we can pretty much do whatever we want for an Easter celebration. Why does it have to be an Easter ham? That concept is strictly to exclude Jewish and Islamic people from the celebration. Of course, Jesus was Jewish, so…there’s that irony.

So, here’s your Easter celebration:

Putting aside all the incongruity of Easter bonnets, bunnies, eggs, parades, and ham, we can focus in on some of the real themes of Easter and create a menu in line with the reverence of the occasion. It begs the question: What would Jesus eat?

At the time he walked the Earth, there was no refrigeration. So, meat was not a common staple. The typical diet would have been primarily plant based with Pescatarian influences. Dates, figs, nuts, grains, vegetables, and fruits would have been plentiful in those days. Therefore, we should gather shoes and follow in Jesus’s footsteps with a menu like this one:

1. Fig, date, and goat cheese flat bread with arugula and balsamic reduction
2. Roasted Eggplant Timbale with Wilted Spinach and Tomato drizzled with Yellow Pepper Garlic Sauce and garnished with Microgreens
3. Cumin Turmeric Rubbed Tilapia with Tomato Olive relish, Red lentils, and Lemon Grilled Artichokes
4. Mixed Berry Shortcake with Orange Grand Marnier Whipped Cream

This menu is based on items that would have been available during Jesus time (Maybe not Grand Marnier). Tilapia is also known as Peter’s fish which is apropos for Easter as it was Peter’s dream that allowed Christian’s to expand their diet beyond what was allowed in the Jewish faith.In his dream God showed him all the animals that could be eaten. He explained that if they are God’s creation they cannot be unclean as Hebrew dogma claimed. As fisherman, Peter and the disciples would have plenty of fish to go around. So, when the zombie Jesus appeared to them, they would have been dining on seafood and vegetables. Maybe they did have grand Marnier or at least a lot of wine. That could explain why they didn’t freak out when their friend returned from the grave. I’m sure someone said, “Alright, who buried him in the Pet cemetery?”